Shame...

Greetings to all

Today I’d like to talk about shame. Something that all of us have experienced at some point in our lives or experience for a great part of our lives.

Why do I say some point versus great part in our lives you might ask? It’s because there are two types of shame: ordinary shame and toxic shame.

Let’s take a closer look:

Ordinary shame is our natural response to something that happened eg making a mistake at work, but it usual goes away after a few days when we have worked through feelings and emotions and reflected.

Toxic shame as in the word, becomes toxic and remains for a greater part of our lives because it starts impacting on our identity and our sense of self. Unlike ordinary shame it is always there, eroding our self esteem and increasing our sense of worthlessness.

How do we see toxic shame play out in our lives?

Constant negative thoughts about yourself

Low self esteem

Feeling worthless

Anxiety

Fear of making mistakes

Trying to avoid situations or people that are reminders of the shame you feel.

The good news is that although not a quick fix, toxic shame can be addressed.

Some quick tips:

Seek therapy

Recognise and acknowledge your thoughts

Identify what your triggers are

Reflect on thoughts and challenge the validity thereof. Here a therapist can be a great resource to guide and support you.

Show kindness and compassion to self.

Dealing with shame is not easy and can be very painful. However, one can manage it over time and practice. One of the core elements of treating shame is compassion and kindness to yourself.

If you or anyone you know is struggling with shame, contact us at Enliven today.

Remember you are not alone and we are you to help.

'Til next time

Be gentle to yourself.

Dr Naz