Reclaim Your Strength : End the need to seek approval from others!

Tired of trying to please everyone?

Well, you've come to the right place.

Below I have listed possible ways to help you end the need to seek approval from others:

Your FREEDOM starts here !!!

• Let’s start at the beginning, first, identify if you really have a problem with seeking the approval of others. Look at specific areas in your life and examples where you can clearly see that you seek or sought the approval of others.

• Next, identify the people you generally seek approval from, write a list of all the people that you seek approval from.

• Use the above list of people and Identify the areas in your life where you seek their approval.

• Identify the reasons why their approval is so important to you.

• Reflect and identify the earliest memory you have of seeking the approval of the people on your list.

• Now, make a list of the feelings that come up when you think about seeking the approval of these people. Look at how you feel when they approve of you vs how you feel when they don’t approve of you.

• If you have found after completing the above exercises, that you indeed seek the approval of others, make a decision to stop.

• Identify resources that can help you in your quest to end approval addiction. This could be a therapist or a trusted friend.

• Devise a strategy on how you’d like to stop seeking the approval of others. Set realistic goals for yourself and put in a monitoring and evaluation component.

• Always Be Gentle and kind to yourself. Remember any unlearning of a behaviour takes time and patience and kindness with and to yourself is key for growth and progress.

• Be brave and open to mistakes. Mistakes are unavoidable. Remember we learn from our mistakes, and always forgive yourself.

• Monitor your progress and remember to document any new learnings. Keeping a journal in this regard might be a valuable resource.

• Identify your core values and principles. List these and look at the areas where you live these out.

• Change can sometimes be daunting and create fear. Identify and journal any fears you may have and address or discuss these with a professional or a trusted friend that has your best interest at heart.

• Picture what your life would look like without needing the approval of others.

• Identify what your needs and wants are without needing the approval of others. Be clear and specific.

• Make a vision board of what you’d like to achieve. Compartmentalise your dreams and visions in different areas or roles in your life.

• Reflect on what happens when you find yourself in the presence of someone you are seeking approval from, notice your body language, speech, voice.

• Be aware of how the above makes you feel and again discuss with a trusted friend or professional.

• Make a decision to stop trying to change peoples perception of who you are or living up to the expectations of what they want you to be.

• Accept that we can’t agree with everyone, everyone has different opinions and that’s fine.

• Accept and know that not everyone will like you and that’s okay. Remember, even you have some people in your life that you don’t like.

• Identify your strengths. Separate your strengths into the following categories: personal life, career and family. Find examples in each of these areas where you have exercised these strengths.

• Make a list of your achievements and celebrate these!

• Ask yourself what legacy you would like to leave behind. How would you like to be known and remembered as?

• Start making life decisions that benefit you and that help you grow as a person and keep record of these to always remember and celebrate these milestones.

• Use daily affirmations as a reminder of your strengths and be aware of your mind talk. Communicate with yourself in a loving and kind manner and refrain from labelling or criticising yourself.

• Start focussing on self care. Eat healthily, drink water, exercise and get enough sleep. By prioritising your well-being, you will experience an improved quality of life.

• Strive to be a better version of yourself. Be true to yourself: eg refrain from giving insincere compliments and praise to get approval from others.

• Focus on what truly matters. Take time out and do the things that make you happy.

• Explore techniques of self-acceptance. Accept your strengths and unique traits and work towards finding balance in your life. Accept that you are not perfect, no one is. We are all human.

• Try practicing gratitude, mindfulness and meditation as tools to achieve self- acceptance

• Differentiate between opinion and fact and furthermore differentiate between what you can control and what you can’t and focus only on what you can control.

• Trust yourself, listen to your inner voice. Know that your opinion matters and feel comfortable to express it.

• Become an assertive communicator. Learn to say No without guilt feelings and set healthy boundaries. Before agreeing to anything, first ask yourself if you are doing it because it’s right for you or because you are seeking approval.

• Do not try to fix other peoples problems and do not over-compromise.

• Learn how to deal with criticism by determining if this is feedback that contributes or erodes your wellbeing. If it’s the latter, disregard it

• Cut out toxic people in your life. Surround yourself with people who respect and accept you as you are. Consider finding or joining a support group if needed. Try to find a friendship group that is nourishing and supportive to you. Choose who you allow into your inner circle

• Do not measure yourself according to social media requirements and do not compare yourself to others. Be confident and comfortable with yourself

• Expectations from others especially family members and friends do exist. You don’t have to succumb to these. Do what is best for you.

• Accept compliments gracefully.

• Reward yourself for the times when you did not have the need to seek the approval of others. Each day is a new opportunity for growth
  

Remember when you turn to others to build you up, you also give them the power to break you down. The only approval you need, is your own!

Did I miss out a tip that helps or has helped you deal with seeking the approval of others? Let me know in the comments.

Feel free to share with anyone that might benefit from these tips.

If you and anyone you know need help, click here to contact us.

Yours in wellness.

Dr Naz.